A friend I met with ALS asked once, "Do you know what's so great about having a terminal illness?" ...(To which I stared at him blankly)..., "You get to hear what people would say about you at your eulogy." He continued, "People don't hold back when they know you are leaving. You get to see the impact you have made on the world before you are gone."
Since that moment a big question on my mind has been, "What will I be remembered for?".
The people that have made the biggest impact on me have sometimes been nameless, faceless, or not the most profound, yet I will always remember them. I've come to realize people will often forget what you say, they will forget what you do, but they will always remember you for the way you make them feel.
So that leads again to the question, "What will I be remembered for?"
"How did I make people feel?" "How do I treat people on a day to day basis?" "How do I treat others when they can do nothing for me in return?"
I do not have a terminal illness, but I am leaving a studio and students I have taught for the last four years. I have seen some of these girls grown from children to teens, from teens into beautiful women. And I have loved every second.
Last week when I explained I was leaving, the air in the dance studio was heavy and somber. One of the other teachers walked in to try and lift our moods and said, "Come on guys, she's not dying!", and a student replied, "It's like she is. We will never see her again."
I felt like a bucket of icy water hit me. It was that moment that I remembered my friend with ALS and since it seemed I was practically dying to these kids, I began to worry what I will be remembered for, or if I'll be remembered at all. There were no do-overs, no more time to leave them with something of importance. I thought back on all the years, the good days, the bad days... the long hours. If I could go back and make all those moments perfect, I would. If I could do over moments of frustrations, weakness, or impatience, I would. I would leave these girls with only the best shiny crafted image of myself possible. But it's never as you experience life that you think of these things, it's only as you are leaving, or the moment is over and things are changing that you go back and think, "I hope I did all right."
I was thinking tonight that if only we could always be the best version of ourselves, we would never have any regrets. We wouldn't look back and wonder if we did all right. If only we could strive to be better each and every day, we would never have to be afraid of what versions of ourselves will be the most remembered. We would never have to paint over our bloopers or downfalls because we would always be at our SHINIEST.
I feel so overwhelmed with the amount of love from my students as I have received cards and letters and some of their most prized possessions that I was asked to keep "so I could remember them always". I'm overwhelmed because I think that maybe if I had any idea just how much I was being watched and how much my words have impacted, I would have tried harder and chosen them more carefully. I would have tried harder to always be shiny.
I'm so glad that little ones have tender hearts that seem to always remember you at your best. They are willing to love you whole heartedly, mistakes and all. I hope as a teacher I can always be worthy of that love and admiration and always be worthy to be called someone's role model.
The only way to always leave just the shiny memories is to live shiny. Each and every day. We need to be shiny even when moments seem trivial. Sure, we all put on our best face when we are in the spotlight, or when we have an opportunity for imparting wisdom, but that doesn't build someone who is truly shiny. That is practicing to have shiny moments, not to actually BE shiny. It's the little moments that define who we are. It's how well we shine when the clerk at Ross is extremely rude (today), or how much love we expend when little ones are tugging on our arms and dropping chocolate icing on our white shirts (also today).
To be able to live without regret, we must be our best selves every day. And when we mess up and create a moment we wish to paint-over, we try again the next day until slowly and surely, we get it right.
I'm blessed to teach young impressionable children, and I don't take that job lightly. As a part of my life closes and another one begins, I'm going to try harder. I'm going to remember just how much impact one person can have, and I'm going to remember that person can be me. I hope we all get a moment to hear how we will be remembered by another person, or how we have changed a life, because it is after that that we see a small glimpse of who we truly are and how we are doing in the game of life. Every moment that we have the choice to smile or be offended, be grateful or be entitled, be patient or be hurtful, we create a memory of ourselves that can't be painted over. Which one will we chose?
One of my favorite ideas for living is: "Whatever you want, give it away."
If you want peace, be peaceful.
If you want more kindness, love more.
If you want more magic, make the lives of others more magical.
Don't wait until something is over to realize your impact. Live each day impact-fully!
-McKenna
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